`cheesecake and muffins~

the past

take a walk in the alley of yesterday

December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008

Friday, November 09, 2007

10:49 AM

shiyun is currently suffering from loss of voice, bad cough and overly emotional attachment to her class 203. after like 3 days really together with the class, after class chalet and choral night all packed together, i really really come to realise this is it. maybe class chalet and choral night were all too high and fun i didn't come to realise but on wed night when i walked out of school to the car i suddenly felt like "crap, this is the last time we can ever ever ever be together".

class chalet was not what i expected it to be. i mean it was not AS fun cos of stupid escape but i gotta say i thoroughly enjoyed it. and even though we didn't get to see the sunrise, it's still company of friends around me that i really savoured. cos when we came for the barbeque quite late, what i saw was quite heartening cos firstly quite many ppl turned up. and for those who have always objected to different cliques in the class, i felt that it has come to a point not that there were no cliques, but the different cliques were able to communicate with each other and have fun together. so of course you'll have your own closer circle of friends, but when you're able to extend it to others in the class and be able to work together, now that's what i call a united class.

the next day in the chalet was mainly sleeping cos everyone was tired after staying up late. by then there were like only 10+ ppl left but i still liked it. it's nice spending a lazy morning with some of your friends. and then at night when i went to watch choral night, my voice was already giving up on me and i was popping lozenges like there was no tmr. that was when it got me really really scared that i will completely lose my voice on wed and cause my group to forfeit their chances to perform. and that would really be my fault cos it's the last time to work and perform together as a group and as a class. i mean such things are just quite unfortunate and the whole night i was thinking i really couldn't let my class down. so that night and the next day, with a whole pack of medicine and healthy food (ok minus the ice-cream), i managed to keep my already croaky voice to a certain standard. at least, a croaky mcbeth will be better than no performance at all.

choral night actually went faster than i realised. the rehearsals were actually quite bad and regarding the "those who can project their voices are not projecting it", i really did try ok. and despite a hoarse voice i tried to put emotions in it. and i want to applaud the agents cos of missing ppl yall actually had to come up with something new on that day itself and yall did it wonderfully on stage. everybody was great on stage. and even with a lousy plot and not really an audience's favourite, i feel that we have done our very very best.

high-ing after choral night was inevitable. felt that usual high after a performance. awaiting the other group to finish their performance and then cheering and singing as a class was touching. but maybe it just went too fast. everything was suddenly over and everyone was hugging each other and crying. or maybe i couldn't grasp or realise fast enough cos at that time i was still quite "not very emo". and then briefing and then we walked our separate ways. and when i walked out of school alone,to the car, then i felt it. that sense of SHIT I REALLY DUN WANT IT TO END!!! kind of feeling. and really deeply missing 203 to bits and can't bear to walk out of the school kind of feeling. guess i'm quite slow at realising stuff. or maybe it only comes out when i'm alone.

coming back home, waking up the next day, i plunged from a 3 day high to an all time low. probably due to too much highing for the past 3 days, i suddenly went really melancholic. and still missing 203. still had that emotional attachment to 203. over within 3 days and back to normal life. or perhaps i was still struggling to adapt back to the old normal life. and i realise this happens to me qutie often.

thurs. usual family day outing to botanic gardens. was totally not high in the morning. it was like i just woken up from this really sweet sweet dream. or maybe i still haven't gotten over choral night or 203. but walking in botanic gardens suddenly reminded me of amazing race during lsc. and it was like walking here and remembering we did some game here. and at some point of time i really felt like tearing but obviously i didn't. too much memories of 203. went back home, skipped lunch and fell asleep in the afternoon.

things started getting better at night. went out to eat, walk around. and ok the depressing moments started to get better. at least i could enjoy the night out with the family. nothing much actually, just went back to normal life.

at least there are still outings left with 203 ppl to escape, to movies and etc. i'll never hesitate to go. and even if we just spend our time idling in shopping centres or eating i really dun mind. just wanna spend more time with 203. spend the remaining time left. oh sheesh... the last thing i really want to see right now is the list of sec3 classes for 2008.

trying to get hw done. which brings me even more back to reality. and somehow i lost the urge to study or touch any books. i know i'll be busy in december, cca,council, hokkaido... and sometimes i feel quite frustrated that time is just flying past my face so fast. don't wanna move on. don't wanna promote to sec3. and i know no matter how much we promise to ourselves that 203 will forever stay bonded and united, how we're gna have class lunch every week, how we're gna meet up every 20/03 or how we're gna have class chalet again, the truth is, 203 is gonna split, and breaking away is inevitable. one day we're gna grow in our own ways and we'll not be seeing each other for 8h a day, 5 days in a week everyday. we'll not be as close as we are now. there'll be another class for us to commit to, other friends that we spend time together and different projects and hw that we'll have to do. and that's what makes me really sad. that this strong attachment with 203 will start to fade away as we move on. i don't want this to happen but this is like a phase in which when it finishes we have to move on to a different phase in life.

i love 203. but looking back at the previous classes that i was in years ago, there's just this unwanted feeling that 203 will not mean as much to me as it is now. but i pray that this friendship will take us through our lives. people say secondary school friends will mostly be friends for life. i hope this is true. but i'm just asking myself, when one day i leave my sec4 class, or jc, or uni, i'm gna have this same feeling again. we enter a phase of life, grow to love it, then as we finish that phase, we hate to leave, yet when we enter another phase of life, we will grow to love it again. we say so many things that we dun wanna leave, or dun wanna say gdbye, but when we move on we break away. it's like what we're saying now will not last as we move on.

203 forever. harsh reality tells me it's very very hard to achieve. countless times we say 6A forever, 203 forever then "some class" forever. has it ever been true?

but for now. it's 203 forever.
i guess there are so many memories for me to keep.

二零三
我们这一班
克服了种种困难
最终只是真纯简单
两年的美好时光
深深留在心房

shiyun.